1. |
Played in Spades
02:55
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Paint
another slap in the face
with fingertips across my cheek-
step back, admire what you made.
I’m kinda into the pain
of knowing that there’s hate
under your affection.
Walk away. Just know that
I do not have the patience to wait.
Providence for the past.
I’ve got a spine made of glass.
You’ve got some aphorisms for my literal ass.
A single crack in the plate,
or only one of a spate.
I dunno, maybe played in spades.
“For what it’s worth, you were a fucking handful-
a nuisance and a curse.
Who do you think you are, acting so effaced?
And you pretend like I am the mistake.”
“I’m not blind to the past-
I’m always on attack.
It’s in my DNA.
I’m not that stupid.”
Go
from this home.
Look,
you’re alone.
I don’t want to fall into something else.
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2. |
The OC
04:49
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Adversaries and acolytes-
the grifters who have set their sights
on making money from your spite
collect.
Peering into the ordinary,
want to find some way to get out already.
Cuz we’re weak willed, shirtless
and looking wary.
Gotta climb up, the bottom is creeping,
scary. So I
Set the self apart,
the line from the letter. Cuz I
was better at the start,
Bound to the tether again.
False premise that all
blemishes fade,
turning away.
Set the self apart,
the line from the letter. Cuz I
was better at the start,
bound to the tether again.
The shepherd of my heart
wears a cable knit sweater.
Distract the words from the facts.
Don’t wanna stand up to fight.
Don’t wanna cut them to size.
Don’t wanna fix their mistakes,
and if you’re feeling okay,
Don’t wanna hear it, okay?
Feeling out of the ordinary,
wanna find some way to feel better, barely.
Cuz our minds are racing, we flail and carry
Til our thoughts collapse. Yeah, that burden’s heavy.
Gotta
Set the self apart,
the line from the letter. Cuz I
was better at the start,
bound to the tether again.
The shepherd of my heart
wears a cable knit sweater.
Distract the bird from the fox.
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3. |
Teenage Screaming
03:52
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I’m next at the nexus.
I’m an ex, I’m in ecstasy.
Abreast of some clenched fist-
a thing that perplexes me.
Teenage screaming in the bathroom.
Wouldn’t want to be that way again.
Round faced midwesterners,
better looking than me.
I’ve hit the maximum,
about as smart as I can be.
Always running around.
Always staring at someone.
Always flat on my back.
Always chewing on my tongue.
Even the ear it calls
When I hear the phone ring.
Pay for my lessons and
maybe i’ll learn how to sing.
Adult yelling in the hallway.
This is what I dreamed it’d be.
Love is kicking in the stomach.
Love is hating me as much as I hate me.
(Na x 54)
Round faced midwesterners.
God, they’re nicer than me.
I’ve hid the maximum,
so much that I can’t even see.
I see your face again.
I know I’ve gotta leave.
Step on my chest again,
maybe I’ll learn how to breathe.
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4. |
Upstate
03:00
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And I’m looking out the window,
arm hangs out of the car.
The gleaming sun of upstate
bouncing off of the tar.
And my heart, it feels so heavy-
All the love that I saw.
I have never felt so lonely.
Romance, with no slow dance.
When every song is the same;
When every pixel’s exactly a frame.
It’s not so bad to be jealous and scared.
To be stupid, aloof, unprepared.
And last night I had a dream
that the moon crashed into the earth.
I woke up shouting “Oh my God!”
And my mind goes back to back then,
walking home in the rain.
Newspaper over my head,
never thought to complain.
Guess you can’t recapture moments,
cannot feel what I felt.
I never thought I’d lose it.
But you’re the one who let it go.
It’s a show you put on.
Cuz what you think and what you know,
no, they don’t get along.
No, you’ve got no pen for sad songs.
In pain, you disengage.
And it’s wrong to retreat.
You should rot and burn in the heat.
With some dumb prose,
“You shouldn’t listen to him.
Even when he loses, he wins.”
If I open myself up, will it find me?
Come and find me.
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5. |
||||
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He never had a girlfriend.
Intimacy or ugly?
Maybe what your friend said,
how I talk so smugly.
But I can’t help it-
You know I love to argue.
But I never argue with you.
I’ll never argue with you.
I’m the computer simulation
of an adolescent alien.
I’m a dying dog in heat
and I’m wagging my tail again.
Oh it’s so hard for me to synthesize
all those points of view.
But i’ll try and do it for you.
I’ll try and do it.
If I tear down all of these walls I built,
and if I tear down everything that stands between us,
maybe I can get to know you.
If I could lift up all of my thoughts today,
if I could lift up a little more weight then maybe,
Katie- I am gonna try to.
Well the time has come,
and the time has gone.
And you’re off my shit,
so I’m done.
And if I tear down all of these walls I built,
and if I tear down everything that stands between us,
maybe I can get to know you.
I’m gonna lift up all of my thoughts today.
if I could lift up a little more weight than maybe,
Katie- I am gonna to try to.
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6. |
Interlude
02:07
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7. |
Dallas
04:05
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Is it working?
Thoughts are churning.
Stolen outfits
creeping out this wealthy closet.
Flesh deposit
to put stupid artwork onto your walls.
50,000,000
Elvis fans can’t
tell me that I
sing too corny.
All I’ve done,
wait too long.
Eyes roll back,
pretending that I’m having another heart attack.
Smiling, nodding, thinking, prodding.
Functions of some stately plotting.
Watch the countess ably process.
Makes me jealous. Slightly.
Don’t ask me why.
It’s time to do the things that i’m to scared to try so
when I’m done,
lay ‘tll dawn.
Eyes go black-
A bunch of stupid thoughts that there’s just no taking back.
Even then,
finding faith in some executive.
You’re dating all the representatives.
Need a break.
Need to mold the shape.
Upset.
Putting weight in some executive,
you’re dating all the representatives
of the fit.
You can try to dull the blade again
But every time you make more pain for them.
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8. |
What To Say
05:37
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I’m sorry that our irises don’t seem to quite align when I’m talking with you.
Eyes and face naturally gravitate towards the floor, what I always do.
Conversation fades.
These tiles are so pretty and they don’t judge what I say.
You’re a broke machine, I know exactly what you mean.
Don’t need to be- they snap their fingers, set the scene.
Better when I went to see it, maybe
cuz they seemed to know exactly who I was.
Stagnant and I’ve been thinking lately
little voice was right all along the way.
Out in the cold again, smacked without a jacket in the harshness of this wind.
Can’t forget to not protect bruised ego, to fold in is a sin.
Better when I went to see it maybe
cuz they seemed to know exactly who I was.
Stagnant and i’ve been thinking lately
little voice was right all along the way.
She told me what to say.
The calling sidewalks.
Hey- will not fade away.
I take what's in my arms and throw it in the grave.
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9. |
Go Home
05:15
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“Roam around the world.”
You’re just like the B52s when you
project so sure, smiling and walking across the room.
Some Texas halls for them.
Run a marathon,
dragging your shoes right across my hip.
The waves are gone, and I am alone on a sinking ship.
Where I would drown, you’ll swim.
Cuz it’s getting late and I need my baby to carry me.
My head on her shoulder, a face that she cradles so patiently.
Just tell me how, I’ll know.
“Go home.”
I’d rather be broke.
I’d rather not pay my student loans.
They’ll come and take me away.
I can’t do what I say.
And wherever you’re comfortable standing, that’s wherever you’re comfortable.
“Go home.”
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Middle Relief New Jersey
Like so many other things, Middle Relief was borne out of the curious need for a creative outlet for a bunch of dudes in a suburban New Jersey basement.
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